Masked Grief: Recognizing and Coping with Hidden Sorrow

Imagine water bubbling up behind an old dam. It threatens to break the entire structure, so the town throws down sandbags and prays it holds.

Grief is like that water. You can try to stop it from spilling over, but all that does is cause more damage.

Read on to learn about masked grief, how it affects seniors, and what to do about it.

What Is Masked Grief?

Masked or hidden grief is when individuals try to suppress the physical and emotional impact of a loss. They look at it from an intellectual standpoint, trying to calculate a way out. They may also refuse to express or process their grief at all.

There are several reasons this may happen. Sufferers may fear societal stigma and worry about how their friends or family will react. They may simply not want to "bring the mood down."

How It Works With Other Types of Grief

Masked grief often goes hand in hand with disenfranchised grief. Certain losses that aren't deemed "worthy" of grief by society, such as:

Losing a friend
Losing a pet
Miscarriages
Losing an ex-spouse

Compounded grief can also have a major impact on senior mental health. It involves experiencing multiple losses in a row. They may hide feelings about one that isn't as "important" or mask them all.

According to the Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies, 7-10% of the grieving population will experience complex grief. It lasts longer and feels worse, which can be the result of holding it back for too long.

Signs of Masked Grief

Even the best masks eventually crack. Masked grief can cause emotional symptoms that mirror depression. These include:

Irritability
Anxiety
Panic attacks
Detachment from or an inability to identify feelings
Mood swings

These may be the first signs that peek out behind the mask.

Grief doesn't only affect the mind. It's powerful enough to reach the entire body. Masking grief is like holding in a lie and can cause similar physical symptoms such as:

Headaches
Digestive issues
Sleep disturbances
Heart palpitations
High blood pressure

These uncomfortable experiences can also lead to avoiding situations that would trigger grief. Perhaps they won't look at pictures of a lost loved one or go into what used to be their bedroom.

It's also common to find unhealthy coping mechanisms to help mask the grief. These often include addictive behaviors such as eating or drinking too much.

Coping With Loss

Masking grief is not an effective way of coping with loss. It doesn't address what's under the surface. It can even lead to further physical and emotional damage.

The key is to find a way to accept and express the impact of grief.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Recognize that your feelings are valid. This is the most important but most difficult step.

Allow yourself to experience them without judgment. Don't blame yourself for suddenly bursting into tears or avoiding a difficult situation. Once you can accept these feelings, you won't feel the need to mask them.

Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is key to mental health and emotional wellness. It's especially important when you're dealing with the punishing power of grief.

Be kind to your mind and body by living a healthy lifestyle. Engage in activities you enjoy. It may take time to get used to it, but it'll give you the reserves to fight back grief at its worst.

Seek Support

Connect with those who are closest to you. This could include family, friends, or even fellow members of an independent living community.

Join support groups in your local community. Find ones who've experienced similar losses.

They can also offer support and help you understand that you don't have to mask your grief anymore.

Use an Honor and Release System

Masked grief is painful specifically because it's masked. The feelings that well up inside you have nowhere to go.

An "honor and release" system can help get them out. There are many options, so choose one that works for you.

Write the person's name on a stone and throw it into the water. Put it on a piece of paper and burn it. Say a prayer for them.

Whatever the method, find a way that makes you feel you can release your feelings and stop hiding them. No one needs to know about the system, but you can also have family and friends support you through it if you prefer. You can even make them part of your time in independent living in Hanford, CA.

Get Creative

Finding an outlet for your grief makes it less heavy. Try working several of them into your daily routine until it becomes a habit.

One option is to write in a journal. It lets you release the feelings you weren't willing to express.

Music and art have been used to help process difficult emotions since the beginning of time. Participating in them as part of an activity in a Hanford senior living community adds the benefit of social support.

If you're worried about social stigma, remember that you don't have to show your creations to anyone. If it helps, you can hide them away or even burn them once you're done.

When to Seek Professional Help

Are you experiencing prolonged mental and physical symptoms? Are they affecting your ability to function every day?

The first step is to visit your primary care doctor. They can ensure that a medical condition isn't causing your symptoms.

If the doctor doesn't find anything, consider grief counseling. A professional can help guide you through the rollercoaster ride that grief forced you to go on.

Find the Best Senior Living in Hanford, CA

Masked grief is the name for the attempt to hide difficult feelings after a loss. In seniors, it often goes along with compounded or complex grief.

Overcoming it starts with accepting it. The next step is to express those feelings. Use an honor-and-release system or find a creative outlet.

At The Remington, we offer a community that balances independence and connection. Our residents enjoy a maintenance-free lifestyle and are never far from top-quality amenities and social gatherings.